It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
