For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
