Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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