i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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