she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I know her cup size but not her name....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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