Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
