a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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