I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
