Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
