it wasn't lemon gatorade
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
