i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
