It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
