I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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