If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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