Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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