Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
