no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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