HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have feelings that need drinking.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize