I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
