rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize