she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
