somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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