if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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