You really coming over, don't trick.
I think I died a long time ago.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
