I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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