They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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