He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My day in three words: secret purse cake
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
