Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
