It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
