I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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