You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
