Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
