Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
