Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
