you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
