hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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