my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
