I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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