Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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