He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
