oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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