I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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