Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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