just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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