dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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