she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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