Whatcha textin bout Willis?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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