This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
