Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
