woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
