Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
