and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
