Don't you send me to vm
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
