I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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