12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
