she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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