fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
