no, he came in my armpit
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
