He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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