yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
