toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
