he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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