His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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